Danka's World

I wear many hats. I juggle many roles.

I also read a lot of books. And magazines. And poems. And internet.

My life right now, is slower than it’s been in ages. And by slow, I mean I have wound down to a pace that I consider normal-life. There’s lots to do still. Just not to the point of being constantly overwhelmed. And I have to tell you, it is difficult for me to maintain this ‘slower’ life pace. A free block of time on my calendar, even if it’s a single free afternoon during a busy week calls out to me to fill it. Think of all the things you could do! One side of my brain calls out to the other. Girls nights! Extra shifts! Attend a fundraiser! A writing group! Sign up for art classes with the kids!

The hardest part for me right now is that I don’t really feel like I’m accomplishing much. I’m not sure how I got to the point where I feel worthless if I’m not meeting goals and taking steps and producing. And I’m not going to dissect that right now. But it is really hard for me to just go through daily routines that don’t feel purposeful. Like my commercial janitorial work for instance. I love cleaning the church. I love my role there. I feel like I’m contributing to my church family, doing some very basic things that need to get done in order to free up others to do things that need to be done, like preach the gospel and serve the hungry (teenagers) and so on. But going late at night to a big, empty industrial building week after week after week (it’s been almost two years at the place I was at tonight) and where I have never met a single person whose desk I dust, well, meh. MEH! BOO!

The funny thing is, from a simple work-to-earn-money perspective, I would be better off to ditch the church and get some more commercial contracts. I make three times (THREE TIMES) the amount of money doing commercial janitorial than the church can afford to pay me. And yet. I look forward to the day that I can quit the big-earning contracts. I gave some of them up to make time to take on the church work. Silly? Maybe.

What does this have to do with books you ask?

I can’t remember. I just sort of spouted off there.

Oh yeah. So I was thinking about life. And I was thinking about my Two Big Goals. And I was thinking about how many times in the past five years I have shifted and adjusted my work-load (various jobs), school commitment, volunteer work, parenting, hobbies, everything. And I looked over at the jumble of books on the coffee-table. And I thought, my life looks a lot like that jumble of books on that coffee table.

There are books that I bought. There are books that I’ve borrowed from friends. Books from the public library, and from the church library. Book club books. Books that were gifts. Books that I got for free from a publisher in exchange for reviewing them online (coming soon to a blog near you).

There are novels, heavy and light. There are a lot of essay collections (I like reading things in short bursts.) Fiction and Non. There are magazines. (I’m kind of a magazine freak. Although I’m getting better.) Research. Poetry. Philosophy. Books on writing. Books on craft. Oi.

But more than the what, I had a bit of a realization about my process. The way I process books is a lot like I process life.

I want them all.

I would like to read everything that was ever written.

Some more than others. But certainly more than there is possible time in one lifetime to actually do. Which poses the problem of choice. And in my reading, and in what I do with my time and my effort, I’m starting to get better at choosing purposefully and well.

Also. I get overloaded. If I’m not careful I will find myself in the middle of about ten books all at once; not making much progress with any of them. Occasionally I say enough is enough and limit myself to not starting a new one until I’ve finished everything I’ve started. I try to maintain the habit of having only two or three going at any one time, but all it takes is a trip to the library or the bookstore or a friend’s house (hey, can I borrow this?) and I find myself with really good looking options all around and I say ‘Oh what the heck’ and I dive right in and feast on books or life or whatever the silly metaphor is and before you know it….

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On a slightly different note. And yet not.

I declare tomorrow to be my very own personal Reading Break. Hooray! I had a busy work and fun filled weekend. I also had a busy week last week with the kids home for Spring Break, getting the foyer painted, friends from out of town visiting, going to Salmon Arm to see relatives and baby sheep and so on and so on. I’m tired. Tomorrow there will be no laundry, no work, no socializing, no running, just reading. I will wear sweatpants. I will attend the Sartre lecture. But other than that, I have no other plans but to read.

And all will be right in my world.